Chevelle - "Mia" from the album Point #1

It sucks when you have so much to say about a lot of things, but for some reason, you can't get any of it out. Maybe this is healthier. This forces you to ponder these things in your head. However, this means that you and you alone will have to find the answers to these questions. You have to be cautious and not lead yourself astray. Still, there is a sense of tranquility to this state. It's just you and your thoughts, with the future in the balance.

Sadly from where I stand, I almost would give anything to forget. I know it's somewhat morbid to say so, because that would be a place to where you cannot come back, but at least I wouldn't have to feel this. On one hand, you'd lose a piece to the puzzle and it would be gone forever, but at the same time so would the pain. And at this point, I just want the pain to go away forever. I'm tired.

Sometimes it's best to just shut up and sit back. Then, you can fully absorb what you are witnessing. If you can do that, the answers are right there in front of you. Just know that the clock is ticking and you have the ability to change the future just by saying what you have to say. Nobody can do this for you. It's the old adage, " i can show you the door, but you have to walk through it." It's really up to you. You make the choice. Just be ready to fight for what you believe in. That will be the true test on whether or not there is truth in your heart.

Sometimes I always wonder what if there was a magical way that we could go back and reexamine a time/day/situation that could have altered the course of our lives forever. Sounds fun, right?

Of course the company line is that things always work out for the best and for the most part I very much believe that is to be true. However, does it ever occur to you that maybe, just maybe that isn't the case. Think about it. Why do we watch movies, read, dream and such? Because, in fantasy the good guy always wins. Our hero always rides into the sunset. In real life, this isn't always the case. I know this, you know this, we all know this. But, most choose to deny this.

So, you probably wonder what's my point? Point is, sometimes I think about this power to go back and see what might have, or what could have been and of course, you'll have people tell you that it happened the way it did because this is how it was meant to be and it all happened for the best. But you know what truly strikes fear in our hearts? What if the alternative outcome would have really been for the best?

Think about it. How much more like real life would that be. It follows the same pattern. Maybe saying "This all happens for a reason or for the best" is merely just another way of denial? All it does is act as some sort of medicinal cure for the soul. A white lie that helps us sleep at night, but all along we know that it's false. That my friends is frightening. The thing that makes me think, is if there was a way to see these alternate endings, that if we found out they were better and truly for the best. How hard would that be to take? Knowing that we were the true creator of our own demise. See, we feel so much better when we can blame someone else for our failures. This allows us to accept them and say 'Hey, fuck them, it's all their fault. We did everything right!" But, what happens when to place the blame, you only need look in the mirror? That's what really hurts.

And that's why such a power could be the opening of Pandora's Box. Still, I find myself wishing to see. We've all been there. Like choosing different doors to walk through, it could be anything to anyone. It could be saying something, doing something, or doing nothing at all.

Therein lies the dilemma. But, in the end it doesn't matter. Because, this is real life and we all need reasons to dream anyway. It's just too bad we can't go back and see. It could have been what we were looking for all along, right under our nose. And like dust, one breath and it blows away, perhaps for eternity. And the only one you can blame stares you in the eyes every time they look in the mirror. All you can do is stare them right back in eyes and say "I'm sorry."

"We trade tit for tat like that for this
And I don't think that there was an insult that was missed
I can see it in your eyes like I taste your lips and
I'm very sorry."






"It rained and its over a shooting star
Landed directly on our broke down little car
We fold and we had made a wish
That we would be missed
If one another just did not exist..."