I can see the lights shining through the trees on this warm night. I see the people. They're all having so much fun. It's a night,, where you can feel magic. Almost in disbelief, it causes one to reflect and embrace the hopes of one's destiny. Smile, we're finally here. And all along, you knew this would be how it all plays out. Didn't you?

This one, I'll have to win on my own.

It's weird. The human mind is unpredictable. We don't sometimes understand what we're thinking. We're not capable of comprehending the ramifications of what it really sees. In essence, we're blinded by our own free will. The truth is we fabricate what we want to see in our lives. We'll seek an unbiased opinion, because sadly, we can't even produce our own, despite the fact that we know the truth and have all along. Like I said, we're blinded by our own free will. Wandering in the dark, we wait for the warm hand to guide us ot of darkness to the land of light and prosperity, to flourish within the warmth of our hearts. And in that moment, we pray that we will never wake.

I can see the end is near. The worst thing about life is that a lot of the times, there are no happy endings. In life, there are just endings. I'm not weak, but a human being can only endure so many beatings before they realize that they are the norm. I don't even know if it's worth it. Maybe, it's time to turn the lights out and yell "last call." Then, close the doors and just simply walk away.

C'mon drift away through fundamental boundaries
To find ourselves surrounding
The ones who've already gone and come back stronger

All is numb
I've been lost too long
My fate's been mistakenly chosen
All is numb
Yeah I've done you wrong
My fate's been mistakenly chosen

Here you'll stay
Where lies are spread wide open
And ties are not so strong
That place you'll never find me
I've already gone

All is numb
I've been lost too long
My fate's been mistakenly chosen
All is numb
Yeah I've done you wrong
My fate's been mistakenly chosen

I guess my thinking too much is what's been fuckin' me up
It's my own worst enemy, but
It will never own me...
Who am I kidding anyway?

All is numb
I've been lost too long
My fate's been mistakenly chosen
All is numb
Yeah I've done you wrong
My fate's been mistakenly chosen

32 Leaves - "All Is Numb"

Sometimes, I wonder what the point is? I don't know. All I do is wish...

I'm telling you, trouble. That's all it'll get you.

Why do I even consider this? The only thing that can come of it is my friend, darkness. I knew it from day one. Could see it from that sunny day. It seemed like it was a drug. It's one that I found myself unable to blink. Only trouble though and I will pay. I have to pull away and close up.

Tonight's Cowboys game was a horrific symbolic reprsentation of where this particular year has gone. I'm not talking about them, but for me. The truth is I am much happier today than I was two monts ago, but it is a reminder that we're not there yet. In fact, I'm nowhere close to where I wanna be. So, the question is, "When will I be?" Frighteningly, the much more accurate question may be, "Will I ever be there?" The answer to that is much more complicated, for many things must come to fruition for that to happen. At least, I find solice in the fact, that I'm pretty happy right now. all the while though, I'm just wondering...

It settles like the dust that breathes many tales. Pull the rug out from under annd the truth shall reveal itself. Each story, filled with many words, smiles, and tears. It never quite blows like we anticipate. In the end, it's the promise and anticpation that envleops our souls with the sound of a buzz, as it glimmers to beams of light. Then, it simply becomes but a mere whisper. It's a faint breath that is hardly recognizable. With the broom comes the eraser. Because like the dust, it'll just sit there if nothing is to be done. But, sometimes we have to stand helpless as the dust is swept away, leaving us to hear the buzz again, though we stand helpless and the light fades away to a dark silence.

THE MAN IN THE MIRROR
by Dale Wimbrow

If you get what you want in your struggle for self

And the world makes you king for a day,

Just go to a mirror and look at yourself

And see what THAT man has to say.


For it isn’t your father or mother or wife

Who judgement upon you must pass,

The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life

Is the one staring back from the glass.


He's the fellow to please, never mind all the rest

For he's with you clear upto the end,

And you've passed your most dangerous difficult test

If the man in the glass is your friend.


You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years

And get pats on the back as you pass,

But your final reward will be heartache and tears

If you've cheated the man in the glass!

Well, first things first, the big sushi excursion went pretty well. It wasn't as bad as I thought. In fact, I'd eat it again. Like Mike Leach says, we're all gonna be dead in a hundread years anyway. Right?

Now, being home I have plenty of time for reflection as 2006 ended and 2007 has begun. First, I'm so grateful for how things have changed the last seven weeks of the year. This year, 2006, has been an odyssey. The places I've seen, the things that I've done and the many people that I've been so blessed to have in my life. What a ride it has been. It's true that "some" dreams can come true

It was never perfect, there were many flaws and things that are missing, but as the calendar turns to a new year, we take time to remember the many faces. We appreciate the people we have, we remember those who aren't here, and recount the faces that are fading away. We're all passing through and this is my journey. I can only hope that 2007 will bring the pieces together and better luck than 2006. While hindsight maybe 20/20, I can only use the harsh lessons to try and make things right.

So, here's to a new year and the hope of many more...