"Another letter to remind me
Walking circles on the phone
While this distant fog surrounds me
I let it settle on the ground
Wherever you find it
Look all around
You’re never alone
But if you rewind it
Love on a line
I will follow you home
What set in tunnels to remind me
Spread out in liquid on the ground
And drawn in circles all around me
Until it’s time to set it down
Wherever you find it
Look all around
You’re never alone
But if you rewind it
Love on a line
I will follow you home
So if you hinges aren’t aligning
What falls away and rolls along
And when our breathing is divided
We weather battles on our own
And so if you find it
Look all around
You’re never alone
But if you rewind it
Love on a line
I will follow you home"

-Trey Anastasio
"Wherever You Find It"

Well, the biggesst story, is the major event occurring this Friday. I will try sushi for the first time. This is a monumental occasion for me. And, no, I'm not doing it to score. A post meal blog will be sure to follow.

You know, I could complain, but honestly, how can I? I'm really lucky and I am proud of making the journey to discover such truths. At least I know, one of my wishes came true in the end. For that, I will always be grateful and appreciative.

It's sad to see the truth which always seems to hide behind a veil of ambiguity. We are left to deal with the feeling of regret. It's the single worst emotion that the human being can feel. You can't do anything about it. It makes me so sad. All we can do is torture our hearts with each moment relived in our minds for all eternity.

"A child's rhyme stuck in my head.
It said that life is but a dream.
I've spent so many years in question
to find I've known this all along."
~Tool "Third Eye"

We now interrupt this blog posting for this thought from the great philosopher that is Winnie The Pooh:

"Promise me you'll never forget me because if I thought you would I'd never leave."

Reality sucks!!!

I'm really scared in a different way now. I felt something today that I haven't in a long time or maybe ever. Is it possible, that this could be the beginning of the end? I don't know what to make of it and worst of all, nobody and I mean nobody can understand it at all. It's probably a good idea that I just keep all this stuff to myself. None of it makes sense and it's almost eery. I wish I had somebody that could get this. Where is this all going? I can start to see it and it scares me to death. That's a reality that I'm deathly afraid of.

I shouldn't complain, so I won't. So far, I've been very lucky with my start out here. I'm having fun again. I just hope it can continue. Today, staring off into the sun, I still couldn't help but think about the many faces that pass through and likely away until the day we alll meet in another place, in another world. I thought about the opportunities that have slipped away. It's all trying to drag me down, but I can't give in. This was the basis of our lesson. But, it still doesn't mean it can't hurt. Right?

Usually, I tend to get quite deep in these entries. Understandable, it helps this blog live up to its namesake. Good luck, if you're trying to decipher what I'm talking about.
However, tonight we preach a different tale. We preach that of the new "Banana Bananza" ice cream, made by the fine folks at Breyer's. To say the least, it's pretty fucking amazing. It's banana flavored iced cream with fudge swirls and fudge chunks. Holy shit! Simply put, this is sex in a container. I highly reccomend picking some up at your local food store. Tell them Jimmy sent you.

"I have come curiously close to the end, down
Beneath my self-indulgent pitiful hole,
Defeated, I concede and move closer
I may find comfort here.
I may find peace within the emptiness,
How pitiful.

It's calling me...

And in my darkest moment, fetal and weeping
The moon tells me a secret, my confidant
As full and bright as I am
This light is not my own and
A million light reflections pass over me
The source is bright and endless
She resusitates the hopeless
Without her, we are lifeless satellites drifting

And as I pull my head out I am without one doubt
Don't wanna stay down here surving my narcissism
I must crucify the ego before it's far too late
I pray the light lifts me out

Before I pine away.
So crucify the ego, before it's far too late
And leave behind this place so negative and blind and cynical
And you will come to find that we are all one mind
Capable of all that's imagined and all conceivable

So let the light touch you and let the words spill through
Just let them pass right through bringing out our hope and
reason

Before we pine away."

~Tool
"Reflection"

I admit, it's a pretty sweet life. I'll always wonder what that particular dream means. I sowre I saw something, something I couldn't explain. I still can't, but in my mind, I know what is. Everyday, I ask, does it really exist? Is it possible that it has always been a mere fabrication of my mind and heart. Maybe the wind was telling me something. I need to escape into a different dimention of conciousness. In that world, perhaps the answers lie.

Sometimes it hurts to just imagine. I think about how sublime I feel imagining the loviliest daydream. It's perfect, in the way that drive on the warm day soothes the heart. The smiles last forever and smell is the sweetest smell that our hearts could ever understand. Only, we can't ever quite grasp the perfection in that moment. No matter how soft the touch is to our soul, we wake and realize that all of it is part of a world we can never reach. In that moment, my heart hurts and I remember to blink and wait eternally.

Seriously, I need help. Some days, I'm as high as a kite (Not that kind). Some days, I ride into a valley of hopelessness. It's really quite sickening. It's always good to sit back in reflection, albeit a dangerous move. It can send your mood in any direction. Today, I think that I must pull away and drift. Maybe it's time. Maybe, I just need to disappear. There's a lot to be said about running away. But, that's never going to be the answer, because what drags us down lies within us. It's not in a particular place. It saturates and darkens our aura. These days, it seems as if I need a filter for the soul.

Sometimes we must face reality. There is no running from it. We accept inevitability that some things must come to an end. All things must eventually run their course. Now, does this mean that we will be happy with the end result? The answer is a swift and cold no. This is just part of life. Sometimes, we are left to sever ties to a different time, for it represents a different realty and a different me. This is the part of life I hate. However, this time I'm not surprised, because I've waiting for this moment. I predicted it and sadly, I've been here before. I guess you can say I've become apro at it. Only, difference is I'm not gonna waste as much energy on it as I used to. For, there is so much more to be grateful for. It wouldn't be fair to turn my back on that. Those that remain, are still there and must be appreciated, before they fade away as well.
Perhaps, in the end it will all make sense and all will be the same again, but this isn't how life works. Its just a cold reminder that we're all just passing through. Cheers.

I am an addict and you are the needle...