I don't have the answers. If I did, I wouldn't be writing this right? A dear friend and I do mean dear, of all my friends, she's one of the few that has ever understood me. Well, she said some stuff to me that hammers home. How can I complain? I can't really. It wouldn't make any sense. This is what I wished for and now I have it. For better or worse, the one thing I've realized is that what I was treading down this path all along. Maybe I was tired of everything. Maybe I was frustrated. This is the curse that has beseth upon me. Now, I must embrace what I wanted right? Like I said I can't really complain. It wouldn't be fair. I have people in my life that will play an intrical part in how it all shapes up. Still, I can't help but wonder what could have been. I made mistakes, lots of them, but I shouldn't have to beat myself up over them. What's done is dne, but the truth is out there. It never faded like many would like to believe. Then again, maybe all along, I really didn't know shit about anything, but I'm usually right. Tonight, I ponder how it could have all been different, but would have really been for the better. Who knows, but I really wish I would have gotten the chance to know, rather than writing some sad blog entry after way too many drinks, but I'm not the only one. Another friend can sympathize and to those that say otherwise, that say it's no big deal, then FUCK YOU! You don't know. You never will, so don't gve me this shit about how, it's not as good as you think, because you never knew and never will. It's always easy to counsel from the otherside, but try living on this side of the fense and then start to tell me about what I should be thinking, because you have the slightest clue. Until then, as my friend said, you just gotta be happy, because your only alternative is to not be happy. Then what you do have? I'll tell you. You have reality and the quest to find clarity within it. Sometimes, we have to realize that we are in fact all alone. This is the road we were heading all along and now we're here, so embrace it, because all along it's what you really wanted and now you got it, so at the very least, you got what you wanted, right? From here, you just leave evereything up to faith and despite what you said all along, it's worked out all along. Now, the future is what you and only you makes of it. Nobody is gonna help me, now it's all up to me. At least, I know it was alot of fun along the way, for that I'll always be grateful. But, now I have too fufill the dream, that's how I got here anyway.