We face an uphill battle and nobody's gonna help us. All we got is ourselves. Now, it's my turn!

"You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I mean it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for you kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place."
"Garden State"

I really wish what I wrote had a more positive connotation to it. It will eventually. I'm not just sure of when. I now have a goal however. Get a job in city that has In And Out Burger and Whataburger in it. Know of any such cities? If so, help me find employment there, because I'm hungry and really want to finally after many, many years have the great comparison. I give Whataburger the edge, but it could turn out to be a series that goes the full seven games.

" A dream is a wish your heart makes, when you're fast asleep..." - Someone who I miss dearly, beacuse they were always the best and always will be

Sometimes, I can't make anymore sense of it. I'm glad I have this and the ambiguity that encompasses it. These days it seems like karma is getting back at me. I can feel somethings reaching their inevitable conclusion and somehow I always knew. It's sad, beacause I'm not all that surprise. Regretfully, I'll get to say "I told you so." Sucks when you are right at the wrong times. As if enough changes hadn't occured. Sometimes, we must accept this for what it is. I've lost before and will again. I just hope I can gain like I always have. Otherwise, I have nothing.

My travels have taken me to the great State of Idaho. I'm spending the weekend in Pocatello, visiting some dear friends. It was a scary drive, but easily one of the most beautiful drives I've ever been on in my life. I saw the Grand Tetons, buffalo, which were roaming and stuff and the beautiful town of Jackson. It would have been better if it wasn't just me in the car, but that's not in my control. This whole expierence is just that, an expierence. My thoughts are running wild these days and show no signs of slowing down.

“I think character’s the thing that always keeps you steady and gives you the ability to get through the hard times"
Kansas City Chiefs Head Coach Herm Edwards

"The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future well resolved than it will be."
A very wise quote from a friend's facebook page

"Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives."
Another quote off a friend's facebook page


These three quotes hit stuff right on the nail. They are so true in that they are words that one should live by. Especially as they go through a huge change such as the one I currently find myself amidst. At the same time, I can't help but think. Nowadays, my thoughts are my best friend.

Sometimes, I worry about the uncertainty that today posseses, but you can just tell that it'll be okay. Still, I sit and wonder about stuff that I can't control. I wish I could just go chill in Jackson and stare at the mountains. Everyone tells me that I need to go to Jackson. In a perfect world, I would get myself in an ideal state mind and go there to clear my head. Funny thing is, it's slowly clearing already. Also, a new support group is being formed. Sadly, somethings can be seen fading like the sun set over the Rockies that I get to play spectator to on a daily basis. I guess it's karma and I get what I deserve. Life is pretty ironic, don't you think?

Often, people, as well as myself tend to fret on the negatives that encompass our lives. What I have to say now is something a little more positive, because I think this is equally as important. Here now is what I feel is most needed in order to prosper. It's imporatant to know where you're going. If you have a plan, you'll be able to work towards something, Some may disagree with me, but you have to have an idea of what you want. This will give you direction. Work at what you want as hard as you can, but take the time to enjoy the journey. Your life is a celebration, sometimes you gotta act like it. Be a good person. Those people are the coolest ever. It's true, no matter what you do, if you never change who you are (assuming you're a good person, if you suck, you probably should change) you'll be the better for it. Most importantly, it is essential that you surround yourself with good people, because if you do that, you can accomplish anything. The one thing I've always been proud of myself for doing, is that I've always been good at surrounding myself with good people. And I've always been on the lookout for more. When I've thought that I've found good people, I try to make sure they're a part of my life. When you have that, you feel like to can accomplish anything. That's the only way I've gotten this far.

I don't have the answers. If I did, I wouldn't be writing this right? A dear friend and I do mean dear, of all my friends, she's one of the few that has ever understood me. Well, she said some stuff to me that hammers home. How can I complain? I can't really. It wouldn't make any sense. This is what I wished for and now I have it. For better or worse, the one thing I've realized is that what I was treading down this path all along. Maybe I was tired of everything. Maybe I was frustrated. This is the curse that has beseth upon me. Now, I must embrace what I wanted right? Like I said I can't really complain. It wouldn't be fair. I have people in my life that will play an intrical part in how it all shapes up. Still, I can't help but wonder what could have been. I made mistakes, lots of them, but I shouldn't have to beat myself up over them. What's done is dne, but the truth is out there. It never faded like many would like to believe. Then again, maybe all along, I really didn't know shit about anything, but I'm usually right. Tonight, I ponder how it could have all been different, but would have really been for the better. Who knows, but I really wish I would have gotten the chance to know, rather than writing some sad blog entry after way too many drinks, but I'm not the only one. Another friend can sympathize and to those that say otherwise, that say it's no big deal, then FUCK YOU! You don't know. You never will, so don't gve me this shit about how, it's not as good as you think, because you never knew and never will. It's always easy to counsel from the otherside, but try living on this side of the fense and then start to tell me about what I should be thinking, because you have the slightest clue. Until then, as my friend said, you just gotta be happy, because your only alternative is to not be happy. Then what you do have? I'll tell you. You have reality and the quest to find clarity within it. Sometimes, we have to realize that we are in fact all alone. This is the road we were heading all along and now we're here, so embrace it, because all along it's what you really wanted and now you got it, so at the very least, you got what you wanted, right? From here, you just leave evereything up to faith and despite what you said all along, it's worked out all along. Now, the future is what you and only you makes of it. Nobody is gonna help me, now it's all up to me. At least, I know it was alot of fun along the way, for that I'll always be grateful. But, now I have too fufill the dream, that's how I got here anyway.

This should be fun, being as I have time on my hand right now. Ironically, these days I have a lot more time on my hands than I ues to. Not because I don't work, I do now. Funny thing is, when you're in school, you got so much less free time, but it overall is a lot more fun. Now, you just have to work and far as a social life, well that doesn't really exist here. Anyhoo, after a good talk with an old friend last night, I feel like we're right on track. This isn't supposed to be easy, but what you do hope for is that it progresses nicely. You just wanna sign that you're doing what you're supposed to do. What one must rememeber is what another friend said a few days ago. "If you weren't doing what you're doing, then you'd be sitting around talking about doing what you're doing." As much as I hate to ever admit that she's right, she is. This "new" chapter that's being written is so new, that I don't know how it's supposed to go. Those older and wiser than me all say that this is normal and I trust them. I just wish that missing piece were in place, but sadly, it's probably a mute point. Now, I have to focus on being the author of my own destiny. At least I can say that I saw a rainbow over the Rocky Mountains this morning as it was being draped in morning sunlight. You have to admit that's pretty cool.

"Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance."
I like this quote. When times were difficult, we needed to remember this. Today, the times then seem like a walk on the beach. And I knew they were. I wonder, does this ever get any easier. Maybe it's true. Maybe we never get another chance. There are so many wrongs that need to be righted. Who knows anymore if they will. Everything is up in the air. For someone who needs to be in control, it's very uncomfortbale that everything now and I mean everything is up in the air. I just wanna make everything right. To those that are going through the same thing, I'm with you. We must have faith annd persevere, like we've done a million times before.

I'm not gonna lie, this is weird. Everyday feels like we're n the upswing, only to discover that we're right back we're we started. We were all so lucky and here evreyone knows me as being from Kansas as oposed to being from Texas, so that's really wild. I think it's pretty cool. But I still miss so much though and lately, I've discovered I'm not the only one. Apparently, I'll be returning for the K-State game in November. Then, we'll do it right, if even for one final time.

You would think an impending move and start to a new life, while missing another one dearly, would have caused me to write a posting everyday. But, I just wanted to take a smuch in, and didn't even bother writing. I regret that, because I had a lot to say. The end, last weekend wasn't as dramatic as it could have been. That feeling seemed to have come and gone throughout the summer. I can't complain, it was a lot of fun and the people are who made it. Everybody plays a role in this tale. I only regret not doing more. Too much time got away. I'd only go back for the people and times. Everything else had expired in my mind
I'm glad to have a job and work with this collection of people. I don't know what's brought me to Wyoming, but I believe it's for the best. That's what came about of my last big move, when I came to Kansas. Life's an adventure. You can go anywhere. It'll suprise you. It never fails. Just hang in there and enjoy the ride.