There are bad feelings in life and there is this. The beginning of the evening out has begun. I fear for how I will pay. At the same time, what is this? This feeling is one of no salvation. There is no right answer. There is no happy ending. I've always said I'm a realist, then why should any of this be any different? It wasn't before or again. In fact, everything has gone just the way I perceived it would all go. Then, why should I complain? All I did was speak righteous and justly and sadly I was right. Every time, I prayed I would be wrong. When did I ever think I would say that?

Now, I suffer everyday. If this is how it's to be, then I want out. I can't do this anymore. Put it this way, there are many thoughts swirling now, but I keep coming back to the one that stares me in the eyes like the dawn of my own demise. It's the thought that whatever I do is wrong. I can't win, no matter how much I scream inside. The truth is. I scream into an infinite darkness where no one can hear you.

This is reality, for better or for worse and it's mostly the latter, stuck on the verge of losing everything. I've already lost a lot. I can' do this. In so many ways, I did wrong and now, I reap what I've sewed. I give anything for rain now. Now and forever more, all I will have is the rain, darkness and eternal cold, pondering how all went so wrong and slipped into an infinity that beholds my end. For that I'm sorry. It was supposed to be better. We were suppose to shock them all. Forever as I close my eyes, I will be haunted by you on the swing amidst the lightning, a brief glimpse into what ultimately amounted to nothing but a mirage of momentary bliss. The time will be soon at hand to slip away and I'll fade from you and then you'll wake and it won't matter anymore. After all, it never did I never did. Blink. See? And now you're all better now.